Actualizing Simultaneous Attenuation Potential

I am under the belief that most people are at least aware of the phrase "asap" if not having actually used it themselves. However, what I'm also starting to believe is that very few people use it for what it actually means, and that's really starting to piss me the fuck off.

As. Soon. As. Possible.

That's what it stands for. I think we all know it's an acronym, right? And what "acronym" means? Sure. And the good intentions of the word's creators are pretty evident, I would think. There is a need for saying, "Hey there, good buddy, could this be put in the ol' pipeline and finished up?" Sure.

I'll tell you what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean Now, it doesn't mean Right Now, and it sure as hell doesn't mean IMMEDIATELY. If I see "Please do ASAP!" on another menial email that would have taken the sender an extra ten seconds just to do whatever it was themselves, I'm gonna start cookin' up an extra large batch of neck-punches for everyone.

Bottom line:
You'll get it when I'm goddamn good and ready to give it to you. Sons of bitches.