Stuck at Work

Babysitting freezers. Wanted someone to know....



hello?


...sigh...


okay then.

Zero to Six

Strippers in Seattle suck, figuratively I mean. Athletic, yes. Big titties, yes. Blond hard bodies, yes. Stage presence, ZERO. I guess as a girl, I need bit more than the jiggle, wiggle, blank stare, grind thing. I want fantasy, personality and sex appeal that comes from someplace deep inside.

Vancouver BC was my first introduction to strip clubs and most likely will be forever my gold standard. Since then I’ve been to about three clubs in the last three months looking to find that same vibe that gave me the night sweats. See, there was this sassy little chica in BC that bumped and ground my Kinsey Scale number from a 1 (predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual) to a 3 (equally heterosexual and homosexual).

….don’t you love the idea of incidental homosexuality? Bread, milk, eggs, pussy, toilet paper….but I digress….

She wore this little pleated plaid skirt, knee highs and white button down shirt. Pretty typical catholic school girl get up. She set about strutting prancing and leveraging her body at odd angles off the pole. Impressive, okay. Well, about a quarter of the way through her little dance, she turned her head, broke the 4th wall, stared directly into the audience and stuck her tongue out. I’m not talking that pseudo sexy, “I’m licking something naughty” bit, I’m talking scrunchy nose, pointy tongue, “nanny nanny boo boo” !!!!! My jaw hit the floor not to mention the ramping up of other sympathetic biological responses. In the blink of an eye she transformed from this 20 something stripper to this sexy little brat that I wanted to drag home by the hair. She had a great body, but so did the others. It was the simple act of dropping deep into character that took me from observing a sexy woman to becoming engaged whole hog in the fantasy.

I flipping hate dilettantes.

So ladies, when you are on stage jiggling your titties and flashing your whoha, could you act just a little bit as if you like it. I want to like you, I want to give you lots of money, but that’s just not gonna happen if I’m fast asleep in the front row.

On Poop

Sooooo....am I in the minority when I say that I am a very conscientious public pooer? I try to not do it when others are in the bathroom (though in dyer emergencies this may be a bit rough). If the dump is odoriferous, I take action to minimize the funk. When I’m done, I confirm that all physical evidence of said expulsion is eliminated.

That’s what I do. Not too much effort.

SO WHY THE FUCK DO I WALK INTO A STINKY SKID MARKED NAPPY TOILET PAPER STICKING TO THE SEAT STALL ONCE A DAY????????

Tips for Public Colonal Evacuation:

1. If more than two stalls, take one on the end. This allows interlopers to choose a stall with a little distance.
2. Should someone come in during your process, give a cough or a little shuffle ball change to let them know you are there.
3. The courtesy flush is your friend, this helps keep down the smell and can cover any particularly forceful movements. USE IT.
4. Upon completion remember the F I R….Flush, Inspect, Repeat when necessary. That’s right your job is not complete until you INSPECT the bowl for any skid marks, floaty bits or errant hairs.

Take the time to make the world a better place.
Thank you and good day.